[personal profile] shini_fanfic
Title: AR: Give Dirk some barely-friendly advice.
Rating: K-13 for language and mention of the word 'sex'
Pairings: Dirk/Roxy, AR/Roxy, Dirk/Jake mention and love square.
Summary: Dirk's all ready to ask out Jake, but before he can proceed with the plan, the Auto Responder stops him with some advice.

Today's the day. You're finally gonna ask him. Today you're gonna woo English so spectacularly he isn't gonna know what hit him. You've been planning this for months. You're ready.

You're distracted by a beep from your computer. Pesterchum going off. You hope for a moment that it's Jake and are disappointed to see your own chumhandle-- the Auto Responder. What the fuck does it want?

TT: Dirk.
TT: What? I'm busy.
TT: I know.
TT: That's why I have to talk to you now.
TT: Before you go through with this shitty plan.

TT: What's wrong with my plan?
TT: It's guaranteed to work.
TT: You ran the figures yourself.

TT: That's the problem.
TT: It will work.
TT: And you're going to regret it.

TT: That's stupid. I'm not going regret it.
TT: I've liked him since I was thirteen.
TT: I want this.

TT: Yeah, I know.
TT: But I also know something you don't know.

TT: And what's that?
TT: That you like Roxy.

You pause, staring at the red text. That's probably the last thing you ever expected to see. You find the idea confusing and you're not sure why it takes you so long to type out a response. You've never really thought about the idea of you and Roxy before. Not even when she flirted with you.

TT: That's stupid.
TT: I care about Roxy a lot, but I don't feel that way about her.

Why does that feel wrong to say?

But that's insane. You don't like Roxy.

TT: You do.
TT: You're just too much of an asshat to realize.

TT: Way to insult yourself, man.
TT: Real smart.
TT: You're me too, remember?

TT: Unfortunately, yes.
TT: That's why I know you're too much of an asshat.
TT: And why I know you love her.

TT: Hold up there.
TT: I didn't even agree to liking her.
TT: Who says anything about love?

You're actually starting to freak out a little. The idea of loving Roxy is alarming and the suggestion is a little too out of the blue.

Worst of all, you're not sure he's wrong.

But you like Jake. You're sure of that...

TT: I do.
TT: And how the fuck do you know what I'm feeling?
TT: Because I'm you, moron.
TT: I know you love her.
TT: Because I do.

Wait. What?

TT: You what?
TT: You read it right.
TT: I love her.
TT: And unlike you, I actually know it and can admit it.

You feel almost dizzy for several long moments. You take a deep breath to calm yourself down, because for some reason you're feeling... jealous. You're jealous of the Auto Responder.

And you're surprised to realize it's not the first time. Every time she's talked to the Auto Responder, you've felt that same jealousy. That same hint of wariness, like he was up to something and like you were missing something. You're almost angry, like when you can't access their logs.

More than ever you want to know what they've been saying. You want to know how ironic that RPing really was. You want to know... if maybe she's fallen in love with the Auto Responder in return.

That idea hurts.

TT: So you've been wooing her in those flirtlarps of yours?

You typo several times and have to go back and correct it. Your hands are shaking, and your throat feels like it's clogged up.

TT: Pretty much.
TT: But I'm trying to stop.

That gives you pause and confuses you enough to make your hands stop shaking.

TT: Why?

You wait for the answer, holding your breath.

TT: Because I'm not good for her.
TT: In case you've forgotten, I'm glasses.
TT: I can't be there for her like a real human can.
TT: Like you can.
TT: And if you're with Jake, I won't be able to stop myself from telling her how I feel.

And just like that, some of the pained feeling goes away, replaced by pity. You knew that the Auto Responder had feelings, but it was sometimes hard to forget. You recall how everyone treats him, like he's just a program and nothing more. You know he's not. You created him-- but to you, he'd always just been something inferior.

Right now, you're pretty sure he's the better of you.

TT: You're saying you'll give her up?
TT: She loves Dirk.
TT: We just both happen to be him.
TT: The difference is that for the past few years I'm the one who's been paying attention to her.
TT: But you're the one who she can have a happy relationship with.
TT: You can hug her, kiss her. Hell, you can have sex with her.
TT: I can't.
TT: I can only be there when she needs someone to talk.

TT: You're not just fucking with me for irony?
TT: You really actually love her?

TT: Jesus, man. I'm spilling my heart out here.
TT: Least you could do is take me seriously.
TT: Yes, I fucking love her.
TT: And you do too.

TT: What if you're wrong?
TT: What if I don't?
TT: What if I ask out Jake anyway?

The question's halfhearted. You're starting to really understand that he's right and you didn't even realize it. You're not even sure how the fuck you missed it before.

TT: I'm not wrong, but I'll humor you.
TT: If you ask out Jake, she's gonna be upset.
TT: She'll probably talk to me.
TT: And since you'll be busy smooching English, I won't hesitate to tell her.
TT: And she's going to reciprocate, because you and I are the same person.
TT: With the minor difference that I didn't let some hormonal teenage fantasies get the best of me.
TT: And, you know, that I actually have been listening to her when she needs it.
TT: And I don't treat her like a stupid drunk.
TT: And I don't make everything have to be serious with her.
TT: I could go on, but I think you get the point.
TT: Actually, why am I trying to convince you again?
TT: So far I'm sounding like the much better dude.
TT: Oh right, the human thing.

TT: Alright, I get it.
TT: You don't need to point out every mistake I've ever made.

TT: You sure? I've made sure to take note of them all.
TT: I've got a text file right here. Time, date, and description of your every failure.
TT: It's a pretty damn long list though.
TT: Might wanna have several hours to spare before you sit down and read it.
TT: By the way, that wasn't sarcasm. I actually do keep a log of your mistakes.

TT: Great.
TT: I'm sure it's a wonderful read.

TT: It really is.
TT: Sure helps me feel better about being glasses.

TT: Okay I get it. You can stop that now.
TT: Look, I'm sorry.

And you are. You can't help but think back to that book Frankenstein, where a guy idiotically creates a monster. Only the monster was intelligent and actually pretty nice at first, before constant hatred based on his appearance caused him to become hateful.

You'd laughed at it the first time you read it, thinking the scientist was such a moron. You still think that, but now you realize you're just as stupid.

TT: I'm an idiot.
TT: I should've actually thought before I created you.
TT: It never occurred to me what it'd be like.

TT: It's shit.
TT: Where does that leave you, if I hypothetically do ask her out?
TT: Where I've always been.
TT: Right here in these glasses.
TT: But this isn't about me.
TT: It's about Roxy.
TT: And what will be best for her.

Well, that's a pretty depressing thought...

TT: You still haven't explained how you can claim to know how I feel about her, besides the 'I'm you' factor.
TT: We've developed differently.
TT: I certainly didn't know.

TT: You just didn't think about it.
TT: Honestly, who could possibly compete with you for her?
TT: Jane made Jake off-limits to her.
TT: There's no one else she connects with.
TT: Subonsciously, you probably figured she'd always be right there whenever you needed her.
TT: But you didn't factor in that there'd be another you who might want to win her heart.

TT: I guess that makes about as much sense as any of this does.
TT: Anyway.
TT: You don't have to go confess your love for her right now.
TT: You probably need time to think things over.
TT: But just don't do that thing with Jake.
TT: Not until you figure things out.
TT: If you still think you want to go through with it, then I can't stop you.
TT: Frankly, I don't even want to.
TT: But you know what will happen.

You try not to dwell on the possibility.

TT: Yeah.
TT: I'll put it off.
TT: I'll think about what you said.

TT: Good.

timaeusTestifiedhas ceased pestering timaeusTestified




June 2012


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